Ask Amanda: Should I continue dating a guy who’s leaving?

Question:

Hi Amanda,

I’m 26 and I have been dating this guy for about 2 months now. It was going great until he told me that he’s applying for jobs outside the city that we live in. I really like him, but I’m not sure if I should continue dating him if he’s going to be leaving eventually.

I wanted your advice on what I should do.

Thanks,
Chloe

Answer:

Hi Chloe,

This is a great question and something that actually happens a lot in our twenties since we’re often moving around and trying out different cities.

First, you need to think about how much you really like this guy. Do you see a future? Does something feel special or different from any other relationship you’ve had? Do you love him?

It’s important that you’re clear on what your feelings are for this guy and that they aren’t clouded by anything else. It can difficult to tell this early what your true feelings are, but I truly believe that when you know, you just know.

Most importantly, I really think you need to talk to him. You need to express what you’re thinking, understand what he’s thinking, and how he feels about you. Even if you don’t have the answer to what you guys should do, you should talk to him and express what you’re thinking about this whole situation.

I know this can be a scary conversation to have, especially when you haven’t dated for too long. But if you think about it, what’s the worst that could happen? If he doesn’t feel the same way, he’d be leaving town anyway so you wouldn’t really have to deal with that. And, if this is a guy you want to date, you should be able to have these types of difficult conversations. So just by having the conversation, you’ll learn a lot about your feelings for him. Plus, you won’t have that feeling of regret for not saying anything. Either way, saying something means you’ll never have to wonder what would have happened.

And maybe he feels the same way but is too afraid to bring it up to you because it’s so early! There’s no way to know unless you ask and express your own feelings.

There’s no right answer on what you should do about dating him — you could have that conversation and realize it’s not a good fit, or maybe decide to continue dating until he leaves, or decide to give long distance a try. The point is, the right decision is what feels right to both of you.

I hope this helps! Good luck and talk to him!!

xx
Amanda

Photography by Tait Campbell



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